You've been with us for almost two weeks. How is it possible that you are 12 days older than you were when you arrived at our door? You seem more comfortable at home now and appear to be settling into the routine. Tonight was the end of another busy weekend and you are upstairs (hopefully) fast asleep.
Just like every night since you arrived we ended our bedtime routine with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. You watched me, with those big brown eyes, and smiled when I gave you a kiss goodnight. The only difference tonight was the tears - mine, not yours. But don't worry little dude, they were the good kind of tears. They are the same tears that are making it hard to see these words as I type. The tears I had in my eyes tonight were tears of love.
I won't lie LD - there have been moments when I've just been exhausted and a bit defeated. I think the tiredness is the hardest part. I feel like my brain literally shuts off when you go to bed. Done. Even on the days that I'm at work I'm still thinking of you just about every minute. Does that ever stop? It's a little weird because you came to us as a toddler so we never had those first few months together to really get to know one another. You arrived and life kept going. The first few days I thought of what you were doing and what you were thinking. Were you wondering what front door you'd be seeing that night when the SW dropped you off? Did you think Justin and I were just another stop on your journey? Were you worried that your stuffed animal wouldn't be in the crib with you?
Now that you've seemed to be a bit more comfortable with us, I think about what you might like to eat for dinner; again, I haven't had the time to get to know your favorite foods, and more importantly, your least favorite foods. What are we going to do before bath time? What are we doing this weekend? Next weekend? Did you have a favorite toy before that you were looking to play with again? Do we need more toys? Do you wonder if those two big dogs will still be at the house? And if they are will they lick your face and hands when you get home? I spend so much time thinking about what you are thinking about.
There's also the physical tiredness. You've gotten me moving in a way I didn't think was possible. I am crawling, running, and stretching all day long. You keep me on my toes and my legs, arms, and feet are paying for it. It's funny how people say "you don't need to do to the gym today!" Let's be clear little dude - I never went to the gym. I'm starting to regret that decision. Now, the house is the gym and you are the craziest trainer ever. My body's getting use to it though and as you get stronger I will too.
You know what's really amazing though? The tiredness is only a small part of last 12 days. There is also excitement, pride, happiness, silliness, and all the good stuff that comes with having a toddler. You've learned so much since coming to us. We were told you weren't walking and now you are all over the place. You still crawl (fast), but you're definitely up on your feet much more. You climb right up the stairs, and onto and off the couch. You've started making new sounds and imitating some almost words - up, more, uh-oh; and you might even have a real word - this. You're still pretty quick to get frustrated, but we're working on saying "help" and taking breaks with songs. You've waved and blown kisses a few times, and you LOVE giving high-fives. I get so excited when you do new things and it's just amazing to watch you learn. I keep reminding myself that some of these things might not actually be new, but since becoming part of our family they are new and we celebrate each and every new accomplishment.
The past 12 days have been so full. It's the only word that I can think of that describe this feeling I have when I think of you. There is a fullness that sometimes feels like it's too big to keep inside. Maybe that's why some of those tears leaked out - my heart needed more room. It needed more room to love you, because I do LD - I love you so much. Your right-now Mom and Dad have more love for you than our hearts can hold, so there's a good chance you'll see more of those tears; but always remember they are the good tears. They are tired tears, happy tears, proud tears, and love tears.
Sleep tight little dude.
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