There's More & There's Less

And just like that our first weekend is over.  He's sleeping. We are ready to crash.  The weekend went by so quickly and yet it feels like there are more hours in the day now - which makes sense because I don't think I've seen 5:30 am on a Saturday in years!!  We had our first play-date.  It's funny because play-dates are a thing that I grieved when we found out we wouldn't be having kids naturally.  I had always assumed I would get together with friends and our kids would get to play together.  This Saturday morning meant so much to me and, more importantly, our little dude had a blast! We went to Target later in the day and that's when it really started to hit me.  The image I always had in my head - pushing a shopping cart while talking to a little kid, keeping them from grabbing shoes off the shelf, and trying to remember why we walked in the door - was happening. It's funny because to everyone else we probably just looked like a Mom and kid shopping for shoes and shorts; but to me it was a dream come true.  It's a funny thing isn't it?  How a dream can be something as simple as singing silly songs while walking through the toddler clothes section of a crazy busy store. 

Tomorrow is the start of our second week with him.  This week is going to be a busy one. We've organized our drop-offs and our pick-ups. We have a WIC appointment and a pediatrician appointment - both in the same town, on different days (of course).  We have mostly early nights, with one or two that might stretch past bedtime. We will certainly continue with our early mornings.  This week will be nothing like last week. This is because there is now more and less of things in our life. Here's what I mean - 

There is less junk food and more family meals.

There is less cleaning and more exploring.

There is less arguing and more laughing.

There is less food on the floor and more food in the dogs' bellies.

There is less worrying about "getting it all done" and more time spent figuring out ring stackers and puzzles.

There's less TV and more music and singing.

There's less sitting on the couch and more playing on the floor.

There is less talk of my schedule and your schedule and more talk of our schedule.

There is less alone time for Justin and I, but there is more family time for all three of us.  

There is less waiting for dinner and more hand holding between "cousins".

There are more hugs, more kisses, more cuddles, more love, and more dreams coming true.


There is less and there is more - and it's everything that's making our life complete. 

Ollivander is waiting patiently for more treats. 

Holding hands with his "cousin" at dinner on Tuesday.

Bath, Books, Bedtime

Our little guy has been with us for 5 hours and he's already stolen my heart.  

I spent yesterday emailing back and forth with our FRW.  She was tying up all the last minute details and keeping me posted the whole time.  We were told R would be coming either yesterday or today. The paperwork stuff didn't fall together in time so we ended up waiting until today.  Everything started all over first thing morning.  More emails back and forth and then finally. . . the phone call from our FRW.  "You're approved!"  I was so excited that I almost cried. I was driving down 91 South and almost pulled over.  She let us know that she was going to talk to R's social worker and that I should expect a call from her.

I called Justin to let him know the news.  We were officially foster parents.  We are foster parents. We talked about being home by 3:15ish so we'd have some time before he arrived at 4:15. I hung up with Justin and continuing driving to my office.  I made it almost into the parking lot and my phone started ringing.  It was R's social worker.  Despite being in the right line to pull into my office's parking lot I switched lanes and pulled into the parking lot across the street.  Apparently this was a conversation for the Walgreen's parking lot.

I was only on the phone with the SW for a short time, but I let her know that a ton of questions to ask her when she brought him to us.  The next couple of hours are  blur.  So much happened - phone calls, getting things at work organized (haha), figuring out an unexpected flat tire on Justin's car, and eventually getting home.

We did some last minute stuff - installing the highchair, getting some toys out, and installing the car seat. You know, nothing major.  The SW pulled into the driveway and I had to restrain myself from running out the door and looking like a total crazy person.  I patiently waited for her to come to the door.  R arrived and immediately changed our lives. 

Justin and I are no longer two people living our own life.  I don't want to sound dramatic, but I already feel like there is someone way more important sleeping in our house tonight.  (Just don't tell the dogs I said that)  I'm already looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and seeing his (hopefully) smiley face.  I want to hear his giggle and see what else he likes to eat.  This is the best adventure I have ever been on.  I'm not naive. I know part of this excitement is the "first parent" honeymoon phase, but that's okay.  I'm okay being that crazy first-time parent.  A few years ago I didn't think I would ever get to have these first moments.  Smelling his hair fresh out the bath, reading a book, singing him to bed, and listening at the door to make sure he'd fallen asleep.  

I cannot wait for tomorrow.  

Things Are Getting Real

We had a visit with our FRW this afternoon.  Earlier in the day she had emailed asking for a final document and to let us know that she had a kid to talk to us about.  Obviously Justin and I spent the rest of the day thinking about the "kid".  The conversation went from normal to crazy real quick - A baby? A Toddler? Siblings? Teen Mom? Yup - quick escalation. 

The excitement happened fast but we were also quick to keep it in check. We've been told things can change from day-to-day and even hour-to-hour when you're working with DCF.  We spent the day finishing the kid's room and rearranging the living room. We'd spent the past few days cleaning, organizing, and finally painting both rooms so everything was everywhere. 

By 3pm we were ready for our visit. Our FRW arrived and we jumped right into the kids (yes you read that correctly - multiple children) she wanted to talk to us about.  Here's what we know:

1) The first little guy (R) is 18-months-old.  He has global developmental delays and has been night-to-night for a while.  Night-to-night means he's been sleeping at different foster homes because his social worker hasn't been able to find a permanent placement for him. He goes to daycare Monday-Friday and, because his teachers there have been consistent throughout multiple prior placements, the plan would be for him to continue there. He would be coming to us either Monday or Tuesday.

2) The second little guy (J) is 7-months-old.  He was premature and born exposed to drugs. He had some medical complications and is currently "in a hospital bed" because his needs were too great for a typical foster home.  His health has improved and is no longer in need of the medical placement so he'll be loosing his medical bed May 31st. The plan for this baby would be developing a transition plan with his current caregivers and social worker. We'd be visiting him in his placement until he's ready (and we're ready) for him to come home with us.  

So let's recap - 2 kids. 2 kids under 2-years-old. 2 kids under 2-years-old within the next 2 month.  

FRW made sure we knew that she wasn't asking us to take both kids, especially since this would be our first placement.  She thought both would be good matches given my background in early childhood development/early intervention. She was especially hopeful that we'd be interested in taking R because he'd been night-to-night for awhile. Justin and I asked a few questions and talked about both kids for about 15 minutes. 

We agreed to take both R and J.  We might be crazy. We might be over-zealous. We might be welcoming two little boys into our lives for a week, a month, 6-months, a year, forever.  

What we are definitely doing is beginning this amazing part of our lives.  

The Journey Begins

This is the beginning of our journey down a road that will likely have bumps, wrong turns, dead ends, surprises, laughter, learning, faith, and love. It is also the beginning of a journey that will undoubtedly change our lives forever. We are becoming foster parents.

Justin and I have been married for 7 1/2 years and we started trying to have biological children pretty soon after our last dance. To make a very long story short - we both have some fertility issues and we've been unable to have children. In those years together, with 5 more before the actual wedding, we've become a solid team of two. We have our ups and downs, but in the end we are a couple of people meant to be together forever. Our faith and belief in God has strengthened our love and over time we realized God had a plan for us to raise children in a way we had only briefly considered. There had been times when I talked to Justin about feeling the call to adopt a child and we discussed the possibility of doing just that after having our own biological children.  

A few years ago we went to an orientation meeting for becoming foster/pre-adoptive parents through the Department of Children and Families (DCF). The meeting was informational but it didn't feel like something we were ready to jump into.  

Flash forward to December 2016 - I was having a hard time with not being able to have children the "old-fashioned" way and was talking to my therapist about all the emotions that come with infertility. He said something that has stuck with me since that day - "maybe you were not meant to give birth children, but to raise children." That was the moment that it all clicked for me. Of course my husband and I were going to raise children, but that didn't mean I had to be pregnant for 9 months and actually deliver them.  It meant that we were going to parent children. We were going to provide a safe and loving home for children. It meant that we were going to have "up-all-nighters", dirty diapers, first steps, first words, and lots of love. 

I made a phone call to the local DCF office and was quickly enrolled in the mandatory 10-week MAPP training.  MAPP stands for Massachusetts Approach to Partnerships in Parenting.  The class was eye-opening. There were five instructors, including a current foster parent, and about 10 other people taking the class.  We talked about the highs and lows, the ins and outs, and the goal of foster care - reunification.  That was probably the part that scared me the most. My biggest fear was (and still is, although not as strong) not being emotionally able to let go of the children that would be coming into our lives.  Justin and I talked about it and decided we would take each situation as it came - staying close together through everything. I've been reminding myself that "babies need attachment more than foster parents need to be protected from it."  

So, where are we now?  We've finished our classes, our fingerprints have come back, and our CORIs (criminal record check) have processed.  We had our meeting with our Family Resource Worker (FRW) and she is working on/finishing/has already completed our Home Study. Essentially we are waiting for a phone call. We have bins of clothes that have been donated, purchased, and gifted; we have toys, sheets, bath toys, bottles, sippy cups, some diapers and wipes. Things are not even close to being "ready", but what parent is ever 100% ready? We need to paint the bedroom and figure out where all the stuff is going - but it will happen.  Everything will fall into place, or it won't and we'll figure things out on the fly. That's the exciting part, right? 

I've enjoyed blogging before and this is going to be a long journey that I feel needs to be documented.  I have no expectations of posting or keeping this going for years to come, but it will be an organic thing that will grow as our family grows.  I'm hoping to share stories, information, ideas, and emotions.  I'll start off with some pins I've found on Pinterest that have struck a chord with me over the past few months. 

Here's to our new adventure!